Journal 5.12.13

on

The voices are back. I’ve never felt so far away from God. 

I’m doing this on purpose. I’m making it up. I’m doing it for attention. Now you know my secret.

My head is throbbing.

Get the bugs off your back, that’s where they are and you can’t see them back there off off off off

Dumb fucking slut slut slut slut slut slut slut

When I do EMDR with my therapist, she always asks me where in my body do I feel the memory, and it’s always in the same fucking place: deep inside my rotten, reeking c*nt where their hands, their tongues, and his cock were

(cock rock cock rock cock rock)

where the poison entered me at least he had the decency to pull out although i guess he was probably covering his own ass too because he wouldn’t want to have a connection to me as tangible as a child

(i was only a child they were supposed to take care of me i was
only
a
child)

i need to throw up and i need these meds to fucking do their goddamn jobs because i can’t live like this 

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