What Separates Me from You: Journal 4.1.17

I got in another fight with Colette, my  best friend, yesterday, and I’m so fucking done. I’m over the drama and the bullshit. I’m tired of being friends with someone who lives in perpetual victimhood, who invents problems for herself to mask her shortcomings.

It’s difficult to get along with someone who’s lack of a Higher Power is so glaringly apparent.

There is a power greater than Colette. She just can’t see it.

Am I being preachy? Am I in the wrong here? I probably shouldn’t have called her a “special snowflake,” and said that her thoughts are “half-baked.” I could have been kinder. I regret not being kinder. (Only a little though.) I don’t regret speaking my mind. I feel like I should feel worse about this.

She blames all of her problems on capitalism and society as a whole. Society puts too much pressure on her… Capitalism is oppressing her by demanding that she work for a living. She doesn’t want to work, and she gets mad at the implication that she’s lazy.

I told her that other people deal with depression and anxiety as well, and that she’s not alone. Somehow that’s “trivializing” her problems. Does she want to be the only one in the world who’s mentally ill?

I was diagnosed with anorexia in the first quarter of my freshman year of high school. I thought I couldn’t tell anyone. I was convinced that I was the only person in my entire school who was dealing with an eating disorder. I would have been relieved had someone told me I wasn’t the only one. I thought I was helping.

She expects me to magically know what to say, and then gets mad when I say the wrong thing. Am I a bad person for believing in tough love? I refuse to coddle her or anyone else. I’m not that kind of person. She’s fucking exhausting, and we’re probably better off without each other for now.

She accused  me of no caring  about abuse unless it’s happening to me.
Bitch.
That’s not me at all.
Self-centered.

I read all of “How it Works” in the Big Book last night. I feel a lot better.

I’m getting breakfast with a pretty girl today.

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