I Took a lot of Photos Today

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Creamy, blushing sweet.
Insecure as shaky hands–
Am I pretty yet?

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How I yearn to drink and drink, cold beverages turning me into some chick I never could have been. The pretty one, the funny one, and oh–the sexy one. Always a cutie, never a stunner.

Side chick.
Backup.
Last resort.

You do this to yourself.
“You do this all the time.”

Teacups, chipped like the nail polish I applied sloppily last night. Sometimes, I leave the teabag in the mug while I drink. It reminds me of a dark, dried apricot or the exoskeleton of a brown beetle floating in my tea. What is that? Urgently, with feeling. I panic for  a moment until I realize it’s a catastrophe of my own making.

This is the highlight of my day.

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like an old
person
too short
for a girl
long enough for a
woman
not allowed to
call yourself fat
anymore

chesty

curves

undelicate

caught
somewhere
between
soft butch and chapstick
lesbian
?

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Mom keeps the home as
pristine as a magazine.
I’m a mess-maker.

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